


The Argument To End All Arguments

by mansikka



Series: Unkind Words And Never Meants [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Making Up, POV Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-17 20:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Magnus wants to tell Alec something important, but ends up saying the very things that will make him walk out.





	The Argument To End All Arguments

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) 
> 
> This is the last in this series of arguments; there is a discussion about Alec becoming immortal, just so you know ;) x

“Alexander. Alec please,”

But Alec isn’t listening, yanking his way out of Magnus’ grip on his arm and storming his way out of the apartment without even bothering to close the door behind him. Magnus stares after him wide eyed, with his heart pounding in fear, torn between wanting to run after him and to fall to the ground and weep.   

He has never seen Alec angry like this before, not once, in all the time he’s known him, through all of the stresses they’ve been through both separately and together. The look on his face was livid when he left, the scowl Magnus has never seen turned on himself burning with such ferocity now burning into the backs of his eyelids, and he is certain the image of it will haunt him for the coming months.

Even if he forgives him, Magnus thinks with a sobbed out swallow, because he has to forgive him, doesn’t he? Has to; this is nothing more than a misunderstanding. He and Alec, they never really fight over anything, and for all the tiny disagreements they’ve had over the length of time they’ve been together, Magnus has never felt this fear that perhaps they’ve gone too far.   

The thing is, Magnus thinks to himself, shakily making his way over to his drinks table and clutching on to the side of it, but not able to stomach the thought of a single drop, this was a pointless, stupid argument. They are so in love, and so wrapped up in one another, that there is nothing that should drive a wedge between them. But though they’re careful with each other, recognize when either is having a day where they need a little more love, or space, there’s still those treacherous moments of insecurities bubbling up for them both.

Magnus meant to put one of Alec’s own insecurities to bed for the final time tonight. He’d meant to tell him that he’d finally let himself accept Alec truly wanted to spend an eternity with him, and by doing so promising Alec that he in turn wanted to do the same with him. They’d previously reached an agreement where they’d talk about it from time to time, because Magnus has found it impossible to let go of the idea that Alec might change his mind.

Why wouldn’t he, Magnus huffs, reaching up to wipe the sting of tears from his eyes, when he loses his temper as quickly as he’s just demonstrated, snaps instead of hearing him out, and still closes himself off from the world, including Alec, when things get too volatile.

But Alec, Alec’s always been so certain that he’d love him indefinitely. There have been numerous conversations, and Alec has already decided approximately _when_ , whilst Magnus has been secretly working on the _how_. He now has everything in place for the moment when they both agree on it, and he’d been trying to work up the courage to say just that to Alec when he got home tonight. But instead, he thinks, sobbing into the back of his own hand, what he’s achieved is pushing Alec away, making him think with even more certainty that Magnus doesn’t want him even half as much back.

No one’s ever wanted to stay with Magnus indefinitely. Nobody’s ever taken the time to consider how it could be done. No one’s wanted Magnus as much as Alec does, Magnus thinks to himself, curling forward over the table. If Alec’s now changed his mind and now _doesn’t_ want him because of the way he’s fumbled, then what in this world is Magnus supposed to do with himself without Alec?

It’s not possible, Magnus denies to himself as he straightens up and begins to pace. Alec can’t believe—surely, he can’t believe that Magnus stumbling over his words like he’s just done means anything other than apprehension. That Magnus knows he’s being stubborn about this, but he has to make absolutely certain this is truly what Alec wants.   

Because there’s no way to go back from this if Magnus isn’t what he wants. Alec could, of course, Magnus reasons with himself as he paces frantically around the apartment to distract himself, go off and live an immortal life without him if at some point in the future he decides he doesn’t want to be with him. But by that point, Alec would have already given up everything he knows in this world, everything that makes him _him_. And to live a lifetime eternally full of regret and wishful thinking Magnus knows a little something about. He’s at peace with so much of his own now, but at times those buried memories still rear up to remind him of all he is. All he’s done. And Alec, Alec deserves not to have to go through any of that.

But Alec loves him in spite of any of his history, Magnus curses to himself mournfully at the thought of losing him. Loves him through all his ups and downs, loves him even when he didn’t truly realize what loving him would be meaning for him. Loves him even when there’s things about Magnus’ world that he might never understand, however much he tries to.

Not as a mortal, anyway, Magnus sighs to himself, pinching over his eyes again, and sure he can feel the weight of the smudge of kohl beneath them. His final, long overdue acceptance that Alec really wants to give up his mortality for him has been overwhelming, and an unattainable dream for so long now, that perhaps that’s the very reason he’s stumbled so very badly over his words.

 _There’s no guarantees that we will want each other that long_ is what he’d said to him, Magnus curses to himself for not finding simpler, better words. He’d meant it as an out, an offer that told Alec by becoming immortal, he didn’t _have_ to bind himself to him indefinitely; even if that was the entire point of Alec becoming immortal in the first place, Magnus groans to himself with the thump of his head back against a wall, closing of his eyes.

 _You can never know when someone else may capture your attention_ , he’d added, and Magnus kicks his heel furiously back against the wall. What he was trying to say to Alec, was that he understood attraction, and that since Alec had only let himself give in to that attraction just once in his life—for _Magnus_ —then he would understand there being a point in his future where he might feel the urge to be with other people. It would break his heart, of course, were Alec to fall in love, or even lust with another. But Alec has only ever known what it’s like to be with someone by being with _him_ ; how could he hold it against him, if there were other flavors of life he wanted to try?

That, Magnus groans to himself, was the catalyst that sent Alec storming from their apartment. The point that Alec might want to experience other people an open admission, apparently, that Magnus might want the same as well. Which he doesn’t, not for a second, not even for a fleeting glance; he has everything he knows he’s ever going to want in his life in Alec—and was, up until earlier this evening, at least, convinced that for all the minor, lingering hesitance between them over some things, Alec absolutely trusted in that.

There _is_ no one else for Magnus. He’s known it since that first true conversation over cocktails. He felt a spark of it, that first time Alec had looked him in the eye. Magnus knows it’s rare to have a connection like this with anyone, and even rarer still that two people from literal opposite worlds could find a way to be so compatible, but they are; fitting together not as two pieces of a puzzle, but instead as a whole that at some point in the past became fractured by external sources, and its pieces have now found their way back home.

Magnus aches when he thinks about it, aches even more for the thought that he’s thrown that away, when all he _meant_ to say is that he’d be honored if Alec would want to spend any stretch of time with him. That he knew he wasn’t enough to sway anyone if they didn’t want to stay.

But Alec had heard something different, and no matter how many times Magnus tries to replay his words, they still come out in a messy jumble that would result in Alec hurting, and storming his way out of the apartment just as he’s done. And if he’s pushed Alec too far, Magnus thinks, with a painful swallow, then he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with himself now.

Will Alec head back to the Institute? Sleep a night in that cold, empty room that was his only solace whilst growing up? Walk the city until the small hours of the morning, until the sun comes up and he’s too tired to care much at all about where he’s sleeping? Find his way back here to their apartment, and curl up on the couch?

He needs Alec, Magnus thinks to himself, the urge to be doing something instead of waiting here in the apartment hoping that Alec will find his way home pressing hard on his chest. He shoves back against the wall, propelling himself forward and heading for the door, only for it to swing back open again in front of him, and Alec to be standing in the doorway, panting as though he’s been running, a bottle of champagne in one hand and a bouquet of deep red roses in the other.

“Where are you going?” Alec asks, his eyes narrowing a touch.   

“You left,” Magnus manages to choke out, staring back wide eyed.

“Yeah,” Alec huffs, turning just enough to put the bottle and flowers down on a nearby table, “‘cos you accused me of not loving you enough,”

“But I didn’t,” Magnus pleads, desperate to reach for him, yet fearing Alec’s reaction at the same time. He doesn’t think he can handle it if Alec yanks his hand away a second time.

“You think I don’t know what I’m getting myself in to, wanting to become immortal to _be_ with you?” Alec demands, looking just as incensed as he had when he’d charged out what’s probably, if Magnus thinks about it, barely twenty minutes ago.

“I—”

“You think I’m ever gonna want anyone more than I want _you_?” Alec asks, his voice dropping a little as he stumbles a step forward, not allowing Magnus to look away from his eyes. “You think I’m ever, ever gonna love anyone like I love you? Like I’m gonna wake up one morning and just get bored of the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life?”

“Alexander,” Magnus chokes back, tearing up and aching to touch Alec, but still not daring to.

“You know, Magnus, for an immortal… for someone who’s supposed to be wise… have all this experience about ‘em… sometimes you can be really, really dumb,”

Magnus blinks, probably stupidly, he thinks, but then he doesn’t have the ability to think anything else. Because Alec’s grabbing his face and leading him in a desperate kiss, and the only thing Magnus can think about besides kissing him back, is keeping himself upright.   

“I admit,” Alec says when he pulls back, panting, “I shouldn't've run out like that before telling you where I was going. But I didn’t wanna yell at you any more than I was already doing. I just needed a few minutes alone, to clear my head,”

Magnus thinks of the balcony, the bedroom, the spare room, and all of the other spaces in the apartment where Alec could have gone for that, and then the acknowledgement that they’re both too hot-headed at times, that it’s still something they’ve both agreed to work on. It doesn’t mean he loves Alec any less for it. In fact, if he’ll allow him, Magnus intends to keep loving him to the very end of time, and still be working on this fault of theirs, as well as any others.   

“And I couldn’t figure out any other way to tell you that I already _do_ know I’m gonna love you forever,” Alec tells him, pressing in closer, still holding on to his face. “I already know I’m only gonna want you. Don’t matter if I’ve nothing to compare us to; I know I want you, and I love you, just like this,”

“So why did you—”

“Magnus,” Alec urges, tilting his face up a fraction so that he really has to look at him, “even just the thought… for a second… of you falling out of love with me. Of you… wanting someone else, it… it makes me crazy, like... I can’t deal with it. I _can’t_ ,”

“I don’t want anyone else either,” Magnus tells him, curling his fingers into the back of Alec’s shirt. They’re pressed so tightly together, that every exhale for Magnus becomes an inhale for Alec, and Magnus thinks that’s exactly how it should be between them. Breathing, and being, as one.

“I will not ask again,” Alec says then, and Magnus realizes that he’s mimicking him in teasing; there’s hope pressing warm on his stomach, and he has to remind his lungs they’re supposed to suck in air. “Do you wanna spend forever with me? Me, to become immortal so I can see… all of your future with you? _Have_ a future with you? Where we… don’t grow old together, but get married… have kids some time… probably spend even more time doing this to each other—and then making up, all over again?"

“I want that,” Magnus tells him, digging his fingers in because he wants it so much, “I want all of that,”

“Then it’s done,” Alec shrugs as though it’s nothing, but then he’s breaking out into a warmer smile, and wrapping Magnus up tighter in his arms. And Magnus is a little overwhelmed, tucking himself into Alec’s grip and huddling in even closer. Alec’s mumbling repeated _I love you_ s into his hair, and all Magnus can do is hold on tight.

“That… better not have been a proposal,” Magnus manages to choke out when Alec’s wiped his tears away, and has kissed him enough to prevent further ones budding from his eyes. If it was, then his fears mean that he’s missed it, and he'd always hoped he’d receive a more elaborate one than that. Not that he’d not accept any way Alec tells him he wants to marry him, Magnus amends to himself, it’s just that—   

“It wasn’t,” Alec assures him with a kiss to his cheek, “I’ve got a good one planned for that,”

Magnus smiles and sinks against him, fighting to keep fresh tears from leaking from cascading down his face.

They’ve so much to talk about. When Alec will become immortal, what their lives will look like after then, and an entire world of other things. But Alec, Alec really does continue to surprise him, and Magnus thinks he’s just proved that it’s something that’s never going to change. He leads Magnus back to the couch, puts the bouquet of flowers in a favorite vase right in front of him, then comes back with two glasses and that bottle of champagne.

“I called Jace when I was out,” Alec says as he pops the cork with his brow furrowed in concentration, probably remembering the time they’d uncorked a bottle that had got jostled when shopping, and how Magnus’ magic was needed to repair a frame that had been shattered with the impact of the flying cork. Alec will have his _own_ magic to do that with one day if everything goes to meticulous plan, Magnus thinks, with his heart skipping at the thought.

“Oh?”

“Told him I’m taking tomorrow off,”

“Alexander—”

“I wanna spend the day with you. Talk this out. Make sure we’re _clear_ , on exactly how much you mean to me,” Alec insists, raising an eyebrow that’s stern, but there’s such love behind it Magnus finds himself tearing up all over again.

“I’ll clear my schedule,” Magnus replies, slightly dazed, snapping his fingers and in doing so sending out fire messages to the three clients he was due to meet with, then pushing the thought of work far from his thoughts.

“Good,” Alec tells him, leaning in for a soft kiss then dropping their foreheads together for a moment before pulling back with an elated sigh. And Magnus studies him then, watching as Alec turns a little to fill their glasses, tilts his head as the foam creeps up the side of both. _I get to have him. Always_ , Magnus thinks to himself, in utter awe, his heart thrumming with acceptance of this unbelievable reality for him. Alec holds out his glass, the smile on his face just as triumphant.

“To us,” Alec toasts, following it up with a softer and more heartfelt _I love you_ as he holds his gaze.

Magnus clinks their glasses together and says the same thing back.   

 


End file.
